I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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