I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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