Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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