Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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