Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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