I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
