capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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