So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
