just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
