I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
