Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
