Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
