Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
