the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
