I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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