Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
