Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
