Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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