guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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