She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
