I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
