i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
