Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
