Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
