there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
