Plan B is the new Plan A
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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