i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
