I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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