He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
