your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
