Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
