I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
