We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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