Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
