I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
