I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
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I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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