I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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