Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
