just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
