so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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