Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
