So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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