grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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