I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
