I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
