she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
