On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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