could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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