Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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