i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
