Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
