Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no you cant smoke seaweed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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