Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
