I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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