She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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