He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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