Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm at about main and main street
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
