So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
