I think I died a long time ago.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
