If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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