I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
