If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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