White coat. Heels.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
