I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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