just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are