i would punch a child for taco bell
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass